And This Is For Real.

There are no words...

Tue, 14 May 2013 16:20:12 -0700

These last few days have been more trying than ever before and it honestly doesn’t even phase me.
It’s everything all at once. I am literally in a sinking boat. I’m the orchestra players on the titanic. Just keep playing as if it’s nothing until I’m completely under water.

List of thing.

Thu, 09 May 2013 12:18:33 -0700

Today I:
Woke up to evil texts
Climbed out of bed with a migraine
Consumed bad coffee
Drank yogurt out of a bottle
Ate an entire bag of poppycock
Talked to my Great Aunt
Skyped with my mother
Seconded guessed everything
Showered
Brushed my teeth
Printed out papers
Sat on the floor
Wasted time

Another one...

Wed, 08 May 2013 21:23:07 -0700

Open letter:

It really hurts me that you do not value our friendship enough to respond to me in a timely fashion. I know you’re very much business-minded so you do know how important it is to respond to emails. It’s important.
The fact that you do not email me back for weeks shows how important I am to you.
I’m not.

You know that the situation at hand is delicate, even if just to me.

That makes it even more tactless.

I’m happy with being your friend, if that’s what you want, but you even said it yourself… You don’t.

I’m glad you think that I could help you. I want you to succeed and to grow as a person, but I don’t think I can really be around for you whenever you feel you’re bored enough.

After all, everything I say to you is stupid and doesn’t deserve a response.

I don’t really have time for you to figure everything out and it’s just been a really draining process for me.

Good luck with everything. I pray you figure things out.

Well...

Tue, 07 May 2013 20:35:00 -0700

I can’t even beging to tell you… Except for I think that’s a beginning.

I woke up this morning knowing the answer. All day today I was dwelling on the answer, but it doesn’t matter because of the truth.

And every time I wish it away and I am settled on it, it comes back. So, it keeps prolonging all of this process. It’s still up in the air again but this time my mind is made up to be let down again because I have already decided on the answer, it’s just that the question is not up to me.

But it’s like I said. It doesn’t matter and I can’t even begin to tell you.

What about today?

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 15:03:17 -0700

Today, I don’t know how to feel.
I know how I want to feel, though.
I know that I can’t feel it now and I’m not sure I ever will.
Not even sure if it’s worth it.

Today, I no longer have words.
I know what I want to say.
I know that I cannot say it.
I know that they wouldn’t even be heard.

It doesn’t even seem like it’s back to the beginning.
It doesn’t seem like it’s the end.
It doesn’t seem like anything.
It also doesn’t seem like it’s nothing.

The Thorns- I Can’t Remember

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 12:10:16 -0700

The Thorns- I Can’t Remember

thugkitchen: I thought we were cool… WHAT THE FUCK SPOON?

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 12:41:58 -0700

thugkitchen:

I thought we were cool… WHAT THE FUCK SPOON?

People and their yelp reviews. I’m angry.

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 11:54:57 -0700

People and their yelp reviews. I’m angry.

This week.

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 16:21:00 -0700

Has been the weirdest week ever… In 2013. So far.
Because.

But worst of all the things… I don’t know if my new skin care products, mother nature, sun burn, wind burn, the fact I went to sleep without washing my face the other night or stress is making my face look like a pizza, but I want it to stop.
It better be clear in a week OR ELSE.
And also, how dare my face remind me that I cannot eat pizza.

Things I bought today:Cappuccino from Sterling.Cappuccino from Case Study.Nude Skin Care...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 18:17:00 -0700

Things I bought today:
Cappuccino from Sterling.
Cappuccino from Case Study.
Nude Skin Care products.
Foundation/concealer/blush/brush
A new overnight/weekend bag because it’s cute and practical and cool and I am now a frequent traveler and I wanted it.

A few stupid groceries like an apple and grapefruit juice and “ice cream”…

And now I’m going to watch all the tv and eat all the vegetables.

OH! Also, the neighbor that saved me in the epic battle of the laundry bitch thanked me for the coffee before. He wanted to know where I got it because it was sooooo good. I done roasted it myself, bitch.
But he shaved his beard so I didn’t know who the fuck he was for the first 2 minutes of the conversation…

Also, today. At work. I had to get something to go and I...

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 17:15:43 -0700

Also, today. At work. I had to get something to go and I instantly gave him a fork. But at work it’s a thing to ask if they actually want one… And this fork was missing a prong… And it was inappropriate, so when I asked him I held it up and said, “Do you need a fork?” And he laughed and laughed and said, “No, but I’ll take it anyway.”

My mother told me not to take naked pregnant photos and post...

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 16:53:50 -0700

My mother told me not to take naked pregnant photos and post them on the internet when I have kids. I told her I wouldn’t make an announcement or post photos. She then asked if I already have 3 or 4…

Yearling- Jump, Little Children- I used to hate this song, but...

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 11:11:02 -0700

Yearling- Jump, Little Children- I used to hate this song, but now I heart it. It’s very poetic.

I can hear you sleeping
Like a softly penned letter that you plan on keeping
Sound asleep
Next ot me
Under the ink of a drying sky

If I were a wordsmith
A creative license to puncture my journals with I would i write
Of the sight
Under my green poetic eyes

But I’m a yearling
A callow schoolboy
In the eye of love
A palid virgin
Just a newborn
Barely breathing
In the eyes of love
I’m a yearling

As I shed this pathos
A smothering poem breathes in a breath of prose
Beathe you in
And again
The dizzying features of love rush by

But I’m a yearling
A callow schoolboy
In the eye of love
A palid virgin
Just a newborn
Barely breathing
In the eyes of love
I’m a yearling

Torn from a book of blank verse
Born from these pages I’ve nursed
Awakened by the sleeping eyes of loved

http://hellogiggles.com/why-i-cant-be-a-hipster

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 14:35:20 -0700

http://hellogiggles.com/why-i-cant-be-a-hipster:

Basically 100% agreed.

Maybe this isn't a big deal.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 13:09:33 -0700

But today I’m wearing a gray and white striped hoodie.
So a customer says to me: I have the same exact hoodie at home. Except it zips in the front. Do you want it?

Me: Um…

Her: I was going to take it to goodwill but you can have it. I’ll go home and bring it to you.

Me: Ok. Thanks.

Why would I want 2 of the same hoodies? Except it’s different because it zips… I don’t know. It’s just weird to me.
So she gave it to me… And well.

David Mead- What’s On Your Mind.

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 21:20:32 -0700

David Mead- What’s On Your Mind.

Oh my gosh. This weekend.

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 18:18:00 -0700

The other night I went out with some old co-workers… Friends? We went to this bar. Sorta lame. One of the friends brought some random guy with them. She told me to talk to him. I knew she wanted to set us up, but I was 100% uninterested from the beginning.

Since I was sitting near the 2 people I did NOT know or care to know, I decided sure. I’ll go over there because my roommate is over there and she’s enjoying his company. And so begins another adventure in my life. This friend and her husband both declared this man to be the “funniest guy we know.” That’s a lot to live up to, since I actually am the funniest person they know. This guy had not even an ounce of funny in him. Unless you count the fact that he gets REALLY drunk and starts talking and shouting everything like Gilbert Gottfried. He and my friend’s husband decide I’m the most awesome after I rant about the ASSHOLE who played nothing but DMB’s entire discography on the jukebox. Oh, except this guy was 100% OKAY WITH THAT!!!! (Red flag) Then, I told my awesome story about how the bitch ass waitress KNOWINGLY gave me 3,000 year expired ketchup and expected ME of all people NOT to know it. The guy finally picks up the fact that I don’t care to talk about anything he has to say. Honestly, I’m talking about everything going wrong in this bar. Pointing out all the coolest people. I’ve already built up the expectation that I’m a fucking bitch, so I am blantantly putting this guy down, left and right in the most ENDEARING ways. If he did pick up on it, he was completely ok with it.

This guy took the cake. He was not ok with ANY of my answers. If I said something was personal he wouldn’t STFU until I told him. So I told him a few tragic life stories with laughter, optimistic sarcasm and smiles. He just looked at me, shocked. You get what you ask for, asshole.
This did not stop him from future inquiring and persisting.

He asked about my coffee obsession. I told him I roast. He told me he loves to french press Peet’s. (So basically, NOT A COLD CHANCE IN HELL, BUD!)
He insisted that I am now obligated to make him MY coffee. Which I stated numerous times that would not be happening anytime soon as I have no desire to roast. But the conversation kept dying so he just kept bringing it up. Then said I’d have to text him to let him know. Um… I do not want your number. Said he could have mine if he had a phone. Said it was dead. REALLY wanted me to beg for his number, which was never going to happen. Eventually I decided if I gave him my number he’d leave me alone for the rest of the night.
Wrong.

After I danced soberly on the chair to Hall and Oates, we left for another bar. This bar was even worse. Well lit. Empty. The guy has nothing to do but become even MORE drunk and argumentative. He will not shut up about Zombie apocalypses. I point blank told him I do not care about zombies and will not participate in any conversation. So then he decides to bring up the economy in America and how it is going to crash and much like the fall of Rome, so we will be! Yes. At 1 am, THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION!!!!
I told him I also do not care. He then began to yell at me like the Aflac duck about the gangs. And DO I WANT TO BE RAPED BY GANGS?!?!
I said, “It doesn’t sound half bad right about now. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.”
This upset him that I should be more concerned and should feel the need to be protected.

So then I try and play pinball, and I have 5 balls going and he comes over and decides we need to have more conversation that I couldn’t give anymore fucks about.

So then I go over to the bar near my roommate, who is getting to know our friends potential new boyfriend. So the guy nudges me and points to my roommate and says, “So, is she ALWAYS like this?” Hinting that the fact that my roommate is a dirty whore who talks to strange men in bars. UM, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?????

After an awkward good bye he FINALLY leaves.

Which leads me to his phone call yesterday and the voicemail he left. I apparently OWE him some coffee. UM. NO. I DO NOT. He owes ME and my roommate many apologies.
So after laughing about it withs ome co-workers, I decided to send him a text that said, “It’s not going to happen.” To which he replied, “Cool.”
Yeah. It is.

The worst part is that at the end of all of this, we find out that he has a boat. OF COURSE HE DOES. Damn it. But I would not like to be stuck on any boat with him, for any amount of money. Ever.

If You Are Worried.

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 11:34:57 -0700

If you are worried about all the weight you might lose in time for bikini season because you suddenly have to cut out gluten, grains, and eggs at the beginning of the year, I am here to remind you… Bacon cheese fries, nachos, nachos, nachos.
Don’t worry. You’ll still feel and look like the old you by the time the sun is at its best.
Heck! You might even gain a few more for the winter!

The first time I decide to cross the street legally, the person who makes me afraid of crossing the...

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:13:34 -0700

The first time I decide to cross the street legally, the person who makes me afraid of crossing the street legally was on the other side of the street at the cross walk… So I turned around and walked back home.
But he was slowly behind me. Then I got angry because damn it, I am wearing a short dress and looking so good and I was smiling so maybe I should have let him see me cross the street.

I’ve been having a lot of stressful days. A lot of...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 20:23:59 -0700

I’ve been having a lot of stressful days. A lot of anxiety. Confusion. Frustration. Today, when I left work, it was still light but the sun was setting. I booked it to the river to try and find peace. Said some prayers, hoping that the same prayers I’ve been praying might be heard in a different setting… And with tears. Because sometimes things are ok, but sometimes it just hits you and you need to be sad about it.

This makes no sense to most, but it doesn’t have to, I guess.