Starting a campaign…
When I was in kindergarden, a boy came to my house on a very bad day and told me he loved me and I slammed the door in his face and jumped on the couch and cried into my sister’s Teddy Ruxpin. I’ve been unlucky in love ever since.
I need to fix this.
There are no words…
These last few days have been more trying than ever before and it honestly doesn’t even phase me.
It’s everything all at once. I am literally in a sinking boat. I’m the orchestra players on the titanic. Just keep playing as if it’s nothing until I’m completely under water.
List of thing.
Woke up to evil texts
Climbed out of bed with a migraine
Consumed bad coffee
Drank yogurt out of a bottle
Ate an entire bag of poppycock
Talked to my Great Aunt
Skyped with my mother
Seconded guessed everything
Brushed my teeth
Printed out papers
Sat on the floor
It really hurts me that you do not value our friendship enough to respond to me in a timely fashion. I know you’re very much business-minded so you do know how important it is to respond to emails. It’s important.
The fact that you do not email me back for weeks shows how important I am to you.
You know that the situation at hand is delicate, even if just to me.
That makes it even more tactless.
I’m happy with being your friend, if that’s what you want, but you even said it yourself… You don’t.
I’m glad you think that I could help you. I want you to succeed and to grow as a person, but I don’t think I can really be around for you whenever you feel you’re bored enough.
After all, everything I say to you is stupid and doesn’t deserve a response.
I don’t really have time for you to figure everything out and it’s just been a really draining process for me.
Good luck with everything. I pray you figure things out.
I can’t even beging to tell you… Except for I think that’s a beginning.
I woke up this morning knowing the answer. All day today I was dwelling on the answer, but it doesn’t matter because of the truth.
And every time I wish it away and I am settled on it, it comes back. So, it keeps prolonging all of this process. It’s still up in the air again but this time my mind is made up to be let down again because I have already decided on the answer, it’s just that the question is not up to me.
But it’s like I said. It doesn’t matter and I can’t even begin to tell you.
What about today?
Today, I don’t know how to feel.
I know how I want to feel, though.
I know that I can’t feel it now and I’m not sure I ever will.
Not even sure if it’s worth it.
Today, I no longer have words.
I know what I want to say.
I know that I cannot say it.
I know that they wouldn’t even be heard.
It doesn’t even seem like it’s back to the beginning.
It doesn’t seem like it’s the end.
It doesn’t seem like anything.
It also doesn’t seem like it’s nothing.
I thought we were cool… WHAT THE FUCK SPOON?
Has been the weirdest week ever… In 2013. So far.
But worst of all the things… I don’t know if my new skin care products, mother nature, sun burn, wind burn, the fact I went to sleep without washing my face the other night or stress is making my face look like a pizza, but I want it to stop.
It better be clear in a week OR ELSE.
And also, how dare my face remind me that I cannot eat pizza.